Goose vs Avengers
by WishingForMyHogwartsLetter
Summary: Fury dumps Goose in the hands of the Avengers while he goes on a mission. This isn't going to go well. (SLOW UPDATES)
1. Fury

Nick:

"So let me get this straight," Tony pinched his nose. "This 'super important task' you want us to do that 'may or may not affect the safety of this world'... is taking care of your cat."

Fury glared at him through his one eye. In his arms he cradled an orange tabby cat, who was lazily licking her paw.

"Yes," Fury said at last. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

"You said this was a matter of the safety of the Earth!" Tony shouted at the top of his lungs. He was fairly sure all of Asgard could hear him, he yelled so loud.

"I never said it would," Fury said calmly. Behind him, the elevator opened for Maria Hill to drag in a bag to set it on the nearby table. "I only said it could." Maria unzipped the bag and took out two bowls and a bag of cat food.

"I'm going on a mission in a few days with Agent Hill and I need someone to watch her," he continued.

"You're an asshole," Tony glared at the cat. The little demon yawned and stared back with what appeared to be a bored expression. Maria filled one of the bowls with water from the kitchen in the background.

"Don't insult the cat, Stark," Fury smirked, "She doesn't like it." Maria opened a bag of cat food.

"Her name is Goose," Fury continued as the other SHIELD agent poured a decent amount of cat food in the bowl. He put the cat on the ground. "All her stuff is already in the bag Agent Hill brought in. If you notice anything unusual happening that's probably normal. Don't let her eat human food, it gives her a stomach ache. And she hates sardines."

"Why couldn't you get another normal cat sitter!" Tony complained. "We can't take care of a cat, it'll be dead within a week!"

"Trust me, Stark," Fury said with an air of finality. He turned on his heel and strode back to the elevator with Maria. "My cat is something that needs to be looked after by 9 superpowered heroes."

The elevator closed, leaving Tony with the cat.


	2. Tony

**Tony:**

Tony did not like animals.

He used to, his mom got him a puppy for his birthday once, but it knocked over all his inventions and urinated all over his bed. He gave it to Rhodey. It was for the best anyways. It wasn't that he didn't like it, Tony just had too much stuff to own pets. The dog didn't get as much attention and care a dog should have had, and half of the time Jarvis was taking care of it anyways. Tony was just too busy to pay any attention to the dog.

So I guess you could say Tony just didn't care for animals.

So naturally, he didn't care for Goose.

After Fury left, he eyed Goose suspiciously. The beast just continued to gulp down the food Maria had poured her.

"How am I gonna break this to the team?" Tony sighed, rubbing the side of his face. Goose continued to polish off her dinner. "We can't keep a cat… half of us aren't even in the Compound half of the time. And people are attacking us every other day…"

Goose stopped eating for a moment to look at him.

Tony grumbled. "Friday? Ask the Avengers to meet me in the living room."

"Of course."

…

"So," Tony clapped his hands together. "I'm sure you're all wondering why there's a cat here."

The Avengers nodded.

"Did Peter bring back a stray again?" Natasha eyed the kitty. "I'll call up a shelter."

"Nope," Tony shook his head. "It's Fury's."

The entire team stared at him. Goose leapt gracefully from the couch to where Wanda was sitting and started sniffing her leg. Wanda shifted uncomfortably.

"So what you're saying is," Sam said slowly, "Fury. The terrifying one-eyed spy that keeps more secrets than Nat and would kill you with one glance if you put one toe out of line… has an adorable tabby cat."

"Apparently," Tony confirmed.

"That's strange." Natasha stared at the cat. "Even for Fury."

"How did we not know about this?" Clint was perched on top of a chair as if to avoid the cat from touching him.

"Here's a better question, how are we going to keep this cat alive? Most of us are unstable and doing dangerous things on a daily basis," Bucky said.

"We could get Peter to take care of it?" Steve suggested.

"I don't know about that," Vision butted in. "Director Fury wouldn't have us take care of Goose unless he had a good reason. He could have gotten someone else, maybe a fellow agent or a friend, but he trusted us with her, knowing what we do. Perhaps we should just let this be."

Wanda nodded. The rest of the Avengers murmured in agreement.

Tony sighed. "Ok fine. Just keep the thing away and out of the lab."

…

"Friday, who let the cat in my lab?"

"She seemed to have gone through the vents, sir," she hummed.

Tony sighed and set down his wrench. He stared down at Goose, who jumped onto the table to stare back at him.

"Ok, whaddaya want, you little monster?"

Goose didn't answer, and instead turned her attention to the hologram of Sam's new wings floating nearby. She looked on in interest, and crouched.

Tony snorted. "You know that's not a real bird, right?" he watched as Goose pounced and soar through the hologram.

Goose glared at the hologram. She wasn't one to be tricked and have the culprit get away with it. She didn't blame the wings, she knew they were fake. She pinned the blame on the only other one who was in the room: Tony Stark. So she got revenge in the only way she knew: making a mess.

"Whaaaat are you doing," Tony watched her jump back onto the table. She walked right up to Butterfingers… and knocked him over.

"HEY!" Tony shouted, running over to catch the robot before he fell. Butterfingers let out a whir of displeasure.

"No no no STOP!" Tony frantically tried to shoo Goose away. Dum-E tried to help by batting at her, but of course the cat paid them no mind. She knocked aside a few tools and tried to squeeze into one of his Iron Man suits.

Next thing you know, that Iron Man suit started flying, spinning around the room and knocking things everywhere with a cat squeezed into the helmet. Dum-E was set on fire and Peter's Iron Spider Suit was thrown at a wall. Tools were everywhere.

Tony grabbed a nearby fire extinguisher and sprayed it everywhere.

"Friday, can you shut down the suit?" Tony yelled, chasing after the suit.

"Negative, sir," she said.

"What! Why?!" Tony grabbed the arm of the suit, clumsily trying to drag it back to it's post. "How is this stupid feline controlling the suit anyways?!" The arm was raised to point at Tony and the center of the hand glowed. "Oh n-"

Tony was blasted all the way across the lab. Luckily, the settings were on non-lethal.

Tony dropped to his knees in defeat. Goose decided she was done playing in Tony's lab and climbed out of the suit. She strutted back through the open vents and vanished.

Yeah. Tony did not like animals.


	3. Steve

**Steve:**

After the "incident" in the lab, Tony had stormed into Steve's floor screaming, covered in foam, with a hissing cat tucked under his arm. He had shoved Goose into Steve's arms and stormed away. It probably was a good idea, seeing that Steve was the most responsible.

Steve supposed the easiest thing to do would be to just to keep an eye on it. He was quite sure what to do with it. Maria had already brought a bag of everything Goose needed, so that was taken care of.

Steve had filled the cat bowls, he had brought out the scratching post just in case, and he put away most of the fragile stuff. But so far all the cat had done was… lay there. It was boring, really, having to sit there and watch the cat. The only good thing was it made an excellent model for a sketch.

So he just sat there for about an hour drawing the cat, who also hadn't moved in an hour. Very boring.

Steve wasn't sure _what_ happened in that lab, but he wasn't taking any chances. So he just keeping an eye on Goose at all times and not allowing him to escape the confines on his floor.

But of course the universe wouldn't allow him to do even that.

"_Mr. Rogers, there is a problem in the common room_," Friday's voice rang out.

Steve shot up from his chair, sketchbook and pencils flying everywhere. Goose jerked his head up at the sudden movement. After realizing it was just Steve she put her head back down, hissing.

"What happened," Steve asked, grabbing his shield from its hiding place behind the ottoman. Goose opened her eyes to watch him.

"_Mr. Barnes and Mr. Wilson appear to be fighting."_

"Oh." Steve put the shield back behind the ottoman, exasperated. Goose eyed the shield. "What are they fighting about this time?"

"_Uno. Peter introduced them."_

Steve rubbed his face. Peter was a good kid, but sometimes the kid didn't know when to stop. The last time it was Mario Kart. And the time before that was monopoly. All games ended with fights and a vow for revenge. Then they would play again. And again and again and again and again until Nat put her foot down. And it wasn't unusual for the said game to be banned from the Tower.

Steve hesitated. He didn't want to leave Goose alone… but then again, Friday could always just monitor Goose and tell him if anything went wrong.

"Is anyone else around to get Bucky and Sam?" Steve asked.

"_No sir."_

Steve sighed. He quickly locked up a few things and a few doors and hurried down to the common room.

…

Steve ran as fast as he could back to his floor.

But there Goose was, just sitting there, innocent and asleep. She had moved to where Steve was sitting earlier, but other than a few knocked over items on the table his room was in perfect condition.

"Hey Friday? Did Goose do anything while I was gone?" Steve asked.

"_At 4:05 pm, 36 seconds after you left the room she stood up and started pacing around the coffee table. At 4:07 she knocked over the mug that was gifted to you by boss with the caption 'America's ass'. 30 seconds afterwards she scratched the couch. At 4:08 she circled around the ottom-"_

"Okay, okay, that's enough," Steve rolled his eyes. Of course Tony had his sarcasm programmed into his AI.

"_Yes sir." _How could a robot sound so amused?

Steve looked suspiciously around the room, but found nothing wrong. He eventually accepted that Goose probably just didn't like Tony.

But he didn't check behind ottoman.

…

He didn't notice anything until the next day.

The Avengers had decided on rotating the cat, so Goose was handed off to Natasha in the morning and Steve had a mission to go on.

"STEVE! WE GOTTA GO!"

"I KNOW SAM, I'M COMING!" Steve shouted, lifting up the couch for the fifth time. He couldn't find his shield.

He had a mission, and he couldn't find his fucking shield.

"WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?!" Bucky yelled back.

"I CAN'T FIND MY SHIELD!" Steve screamed back. He stormed into his bedroom and found it lying on the bed. "Oh come on!"

"STEVE! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE OR WE'RE LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!" Bucky yelled.

Steve grabbed his shield… and immediately regretted it.

"What the-" he jerked his hand away and stared at the slime coating his hand and shield. And now his bed.

"Hey guys! Why is my shield covered in this… eurgh… gross smelling liquid?" he called, wrinkling his nose.

There was the sound of Bucky racing towards Steve's room, then he appeared with a spare shield from Wakanda.

He threw it at Steve. "Just take this one and figure it out later, we're going to be late!"

Steve caught the spare and took one last look at his shield before Bucky tugged him out of the room.


End file.
